dukkelisa

Thats me.  I am playing against myself for no reason at all.  I am reconnecting to the philosophy I embraced years ago and finding all the reasons to not do it.  The more I read the book, the more I want to dispute it.  Yet, I am all for it!  What is the problem then?  Is it my nature to rebel against authority?  When a book’s author says something is FORBIDDEN, is my chance to say BUT WAIT A MINUTE….

This morning I was up early.  I had decided to do my plan all the way, as written.  When my husband woke up, he made coffee and poured my usual milk into a cup.  Sigh.  I didn’t speak up.  Why?  Milk and coffee are off the plan.  Then I went to make eggs, and suddenly I felt like eggs AND cottage cheese.  Cheese is off plan.  I immediately justify it with, “I should finish this container off, THEN give up cheese”.  I didn’t take a stand.  Later, husband is on his way out the door to run some errands and mentions picking up pita bread to make sandwiches with the leftover lamb for dinner tonight.  I see a big container of hummus in the fridge.  Pita and hummus are off plan.  I didn’t say a word to him, I just nodded.  I am feeling quite sorry for myself and reach into the fridge for a diet pepsi.  OH FOR HEAVENS SAKE…what game am I playing now?  If I want to do this, why am I rebelling?  No one is twisting my arm.  NO one shoved the book under my nose and forced me to follow it.  I chose it myself!

I believe in my plan.  I want my health back. Everything that is on the plan I love to eat!  The few things that are off the plan, I can give up without a blink of an eye.  Only alcohol and cheese are difficult to let go of.  There is no nutritional consequence of giving up cheese or booze, so why fight it?

I am obese, not merely overweight.  I cannot keep on soothing my ruffled soul that I just need to just cut back a little.  There are indeed certain foods that I do not need and my body often gets wrecked on.  It not by chance those foods are not on the plan.  I get sick on grains and dairy.  Isn’t there a sort of  rebellion there, much like addictive behavior?  I know theses foods make me have a stomach ache, but I like them therefore even though the cost is high, but I am willing to suffer for the momentary pleasure of NOT DENYING myself?  Is that what it is really all about?

The best diet is the one that you’d stay on whether or not it caused weightloss.  It’s the one that makes you feel vibrant and healthy.  I am halfway through my life.  I choose to feel the best I can.  I know what the actions I can take to bring that vibrant health back.  So why am I bothering to be a rebel?  What purpose could the fight have?  To stand against someone else’s idea of healthful eating?  If my eating choices were so smart, I wouldn’t be obese, now would I?